A Concise Lexicon of Contemporary
Politics in Pakistan
The Real Meaning of Important Words
Riffat
Jahan
Given
hereunder is the real meaning of these words used every day in
Pakistan's disturbed political, social, military and financial
terminology:
COAS:
Chief Of All Sections (of the society); A four-star general who
in addition to be the supreme commander of army (although accidentally
and reluctantly but quite often) also happens to be de-facto
President, Chief Executive, Chief Martial Law Administrator and
C JSC;
Government:
Self-imposed configuration composed of Corps Commanders and the
ISI Chief - headed by the COAS;
GHQ:
Apex policy-making organ in the country:
ISI: Institution for State Impairment; supra-constitutional
agency for political engineering;
Cabinet:
Corps commanders, Staff officers and the ISI chief;
Democracy:
Covert rule of the army, by the army, for the army:
Military government: Overt rule of the army,
by the army, for the army;
Islam:
Carte blanche to wreak havoc for 11 years under the guise to implement
it for one army boss, supposedly free hand for the other to perpetuate
his rule to dismantle that legacy;
President:
If not COAS himself, nominal head of state, reporting directly
to the COAS;
Prime Minister: Provided deemed necessary for
cosmetic reasons, an individual in mufti taking care of day-to-day
affairs of state-running on behalf of the COAS;
Parliament:
Bunch of thugs handpicked by ISI, approved by the COAS to occasionally
convene at Islamabad;
Constitution:
All power rests with army, Whim
of Mr Sharifuddin Pirzada; Men in khaki are infallible;
Higher
Courts: Venue for legalizing treason under the much-abused
doctrine of necessity;
The head of judiciary, appointed to validate Mr Pirzada’s
interpretation of the constitution;
Higher Judiciary: A group of prominent lawyers
hired to read out indemnifying verdicts pertaining to constitutional
transgressions, written by the legal branch of Army under the
auspices of Mr Sharifuddin Pirzada;
Election
Commission: Civil organisation to ensure “desired”
outcome of the elections as per directives of the GHQ;
Referendum: Life time presidency for the incumbent
COAS, irrespective of the results;
Election: Hatching of a new breed of “viable”
politicians as well as filtration of the stooges getting too confident,
every two to three year;
NADRA:
No Accommodation for Dissension to the Rule of Army;
NRB: National Re-destruction Bureau; An
outfit to devise mechanisms for the perpetuation of military’s
supremacy;
General:
Best-paid government “dignitary” (calling him servant
would be blasphemy); the one holding a licence to loot the national
kitty with full impunity;
Nuclear
weapons: Strategic assets that make a third world nation
to eat grass to develop in the first place and to relinquish its
sovereignty for “defending” them afterwards;
Foreign
Policy: ISI–managed, India-obsessed inter-state
agenda for the country;
U-turn: Afghan policy;
Jihad:
Assignments originally meant for half-million strong regular forces
that eventually got completely relegated to unemployed mercenaries;
Jihadis: Compound function; mini state within
state created by the premier state within state
India:
A comfortable, readymade alibi for every failure;
Kashmir:
Justification for the military to grab the lion share
of national resources;
Taliban:
Strategic depth that ultimately turns out to be a strategic nightmare;
Rout of the Taliban: Vindication of the Chief
Executive’s stance;
Rule
of the Law: Pak Afwaj Zindabad (Hail the Pak Armed Forces);
Marching
orders of the Corps Commander Corps 10 (Rawalpindi);
By the book: One dozen prime plots each for top
military commanders;
Supreme
National Interest: Discretion of the COAS;
NAB:
No Accountability Brigadier upwards;
Accountability: Tool to rein in non-cooperative
politicians;
Benchmark
for uprightness: Admiral Mansurul Haq;
Honest: Serving or retired officer(s) of the
armed forces of Pakistan, Pak Army in particular;
Kickbacks in defence deals: Impossibility;
Competent:
Graduate of the PMA;
Corrupt: Anybody not willing to dance to ever-changing
tunes of the ISI;
Unpatriotic:
The one who dares to question military’s intervening role;
Traitor: Civilian set-up trying to solve bilateral
issues peacefully;
Progressive:
Military government going out of its way to appease foreign powers;
Downsizing:
Layoffs at lower level in tandem with massive induction
of military personnel at the top;
Streamlining: Civilians out – Army in;
Campaign
against narcotics: Release of convicted drug barons;
Justice:
Righteous shifting of felons to the Holy Kingdom (presumably for
spiritual uplifting);
Compassion: Full remission of jail term on "health
grounds" to even those very few senior military officers
ever penalized
Austerity:
50,000 batmen;
Fiscal
discipline: Mechanism through which star officers can
draw multiple salaries; more perks and privileges for star officers;
Hijacking: Sacrilegious offence of prematurely
retiring the COAS;
Omnipotent: Long Live Pak Army
East
Pakistan Tragedy: Proof of martial gallantry and/or squarely
Indian conspiracy;
The HRC report: A wily attempt to malign Pak
armed forces;
COAS
answerable (only) to: The White House, the Pentagon and
the State Department
Self-determination
for Kashmir: Of course … should be … if Mr
Bush kindly considers it appropriate.
