By
LampPost
ISLAMABAD: Who says nepotism and favoritism has stopped in Musharraf's
so-called pure and honest regime. All is set to prove this wrong,
at least partially. None other than the (naturally talented) sisin-law
of our prez's Awry Flusher, has almost landed a Rs. 2.4 million contract
(US$ 40,000) to do public relations for Central Board of Revenue (CBR),
government's most corrupt and controversial tax-collection department.
The
beneficiary has a company named GrapeVine.Comm, hence this column's
title. But CBR guys are convinced she cannot deliver (How can they
be so sure?). A mole in a rival bidder's company says CBR is resisting
the award of the contract. The previous holder of this contract was
none other than the now-reformed Hussain Haqqani, enjoying a US think-tank
free junket these days in Washington DC (See story).
The other bidder, Add Groove, is said to be close to present chief
baboo (bureaucrat) of Dis-Info set up of Musharraf. Sounds familiar
to old BB and NS days, does'nt it. The sisin law of our Awry Flusher
is said to be running a very small set up with 2-3 regular employees,
designing birthday and wedding cards and has no experience of handling a major account, far less a huge mumbo-jumbo
like CBR which has such a distorted face, even a foxy Haqqani could
not fix. A lady would need all the powder and lipstick in the world
to brighten it. The best experience of sisin law is the launching
ceremony of papa's salis in Karachi, some restaurant. But when you
have an Awry Flusher in the top spot, opportunities knock on your
door, uninvited, like the recent Shandoor Mela in northern heights,
courtesy the Ministry of Tourism, (poor guys are cursing the old man
(OBL, who else) and his Be-Qaeda outfit, for ruining Pakistan's tourist
potential).
But
down south, in Karachi, the buzz is that hundreds of acres of prime
mid-city Gulshan-e-Iqbal land, around the Cricket Stadium has been
taken over in the name of the defenders of Pakistan and right now
plots are being cut out, but only for the 2 and 3-star ones. Who says
the defenders are not interested in cricket? But is it cricket they
are playing? Will our dear Mr Cowasjee, the defender of the defenders but also the defender of the
virgin lands of Karachi, please rise!!
Talking
of generals, a detailed life story of how a small time officer became
a 2-star general, using his PR skills and looks of his better half,
is circulating over the internet for weeks. Details in next episode
of Grapevine.comm.
But
the best inside story of our top Generallsimo comes from some Swiss
mountaineers who recently saw the Prez. One simpleton from this adventurous
group is the daughter of a former Swiss President. The group is making
documentaries about Polo and Hot-Air Balloon flying in the northern
heights of Shandoor. A member of that team was heard blowing his own
hot air, saying
to colleagues he was greatly impressed by the Prez. "But the
guy complains he is surrounded by goofs who don't deliver." Wow,
our Prez surrounded by Goofs. And who has appointed, nominated or
ordered these goofs to besiege him. There were not many onlookers
at the lofty heights in Shandoor. But one did say: "Is this a
case of goofs vs goofs." No answers yet.
Back
in the plains of Potohar, meaning Islamabad, the one surrounded by
Goofs did his own goofing around at the TV station last week. After
launching PTV-World and declaring it was totally free, the big guy
was furious when one of the first interviews telecast was of an Opposition
PPP leader Amin Fahim, the submissive Sindhi landlord belonging to
Benazir Bhutto outcast family. Fahim mention the name of Benazir and
Mush reacted by ordering he does not want to listen to her name on
TV again. With that, the freedom given just a day earlier to the PTV-World,
went up in a hot air balloon.
While
at the TV station, our Prez wanted some light moments so he asked
the FM101 Radio people to play him a Junoon group song. They added
a Madam Nur Jehan song for the dessert for the General.
Still
in Islamabad, every one who claims to be some uncle or aunt of democracy
in Pakistan, was present in a seminar on Wednesday, supposed to be
on the subject of democracy. All the Legharis, Jatois, JJs and Pay
Jays were there, including homeland security and disinformation big
wigs and delegates from many countries. Interestingly, the so-called
democrats never
once mentioned the man who is now running the country for three years
as a dictator. His men however presented him as saviour of democracy.
Only one lady from Bangladesh mentioned what our Mush had done. Every
political aspirant seemed scared of BB and oneeven said she should
not come back, meaning if she did, how will I return to power.
A
minister made every one laugh, at least in the heart, when he said
the important thing about government was not whether it was military
or political. It was whether it could deliver or not. Sure, if that
guy gets his chance, Fedex has the best chance to take over Islamabad,
followed by DHL in the provinces.
As
a reminder, this may be an old story, but worth mentioning. According
to a senior NAB official, a very important Homeland minister pocketed
some Rs 250 million from Peshawar's smuggling market Bara, when as
a trade-off, a tax survey of the market was abruptly called off. NAB
officials claim to have even details of bank transfer of this deal.
Could the minister be such a dumb fellow to make such deals through
bank transfers? Well, count on some dumb retired people to get dumber,
specially when on a diet of political Viagra.
Another
fly hovering in the Homeland says the same minister took Rs.20 Million
to allot a prime hunting site last season to one Lota of Dubai. What
a Lota (turncoat) that must have been who is paying a huge dough,
instead of taking it, just like our top general who says: I am giving
away, not taking.
The
same fly whispered in some ears that the same minister is the principal
partner in a huge apartment complex project in Defence Society, Phase
V of Karachi. Better to build some homes for the ultimate retirement
days, unless of course the new NAB turn out to be run by greater jackasses.
Yet
another old story but it is such fun to repeat. The guy in charge
of private-zashun, who got a huge boost for his sinking bank by having
some government institutions invest money in its stock, is sporting
a much bigger and happier moustache now. Musharraf is probably not
interested in guys with moustaches, looks like.
Still
with the old stories, the head honcho for government trading is known
to have done exactly the same trick with Pakistan Steel products and
their duty structure as Nawaz Sharif did with importing BMWs. This
trade boss owns a steel business so he cut the duty, bought his stuff,
then increased the duty again. Cool so far, but watch out, others
are also
watching, and you ain't any army general mister!
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